05.19.08

this is the end, my only friend, the end.

Posted in Life tagged , , at 7:38 pm by mydollface

Today, I graduate from high school.

It’s simply the strangest sensation that I’ve ever had with the knowledge of the fact; my future is a blur, my past is fading fast, and I’m leaning on the understanding of what I’ve learned on four little years. Out of the hundreds that I’ve past by every day, I only have a handful of friends, and one that I consider a true friend after a four year residency at Hillcrest High School, and I’m not sad about leaving.

What I am a little scared of is leaving my childhood, and blooming into an adult.

My mother wrote me a letter this morning, and presented it to me after Graduation practice. I won’t quote the highly-personal letter that my mother wrote to me in the blend of cursive and print that I’ve grown to mimic, but, in the letter she referred to me as, for the very first time, a young woman. To my parents, I’ve always been the little girl that had contained all their hopes and dreams, their fears and their aspirations, their dedication and their legacy–but now, I am metaphysically breaking out of my porcelain frame into a world that recognizes me equal to the parents that have sheltered me for so long.

I have so few cares and responsibilities, but so many worries and hopes as I enter this next stage of my life. I’ve been a dedicated, motivated, and outstanding student for these past four years (graduating top 5% of my class, being involved in all the right groups, volunteering, giving myself completely to school), but now the foundation that I stood on so firmly these past nine months is weakening, and I find myself on the sand of a future that is at University of Missouri. I’m not saying that I won’t do well or progress as an individual, but I’m terrified of what could be in store for me. How do I do it on my own? How do I live up to the expectations that my parents, my friends, my family… even myself, have placed on me?

But then it occurs to me: this is only a stepping stone. The greatest achievement in my life will not be graduating from high school (as it will, unfortunately, for some of my peers); this is only the beginning of the life that I’ve chosen. My path is clear, my mind hopeful, my eyes set on His purpose for me.

High school was a journey that shaped me in multiple ways, but this is not the end of my road. Life goes on, I’ll go on. I guess I just need to remember that as I pass my tassle from right to left tonight, only to throw that cap as high as I can in the air. So high, maybe it can reach my potential.

Just maybe.

05.13.08

pray

Posted in Random Ramblings tagged , , at 3:47 pm by mydollface

Recently, I’ve really stated understanding the power of prayer. My life and attitude has radically started to change in a positive direction, and I do believe that this shift towards a more positive, serving attitude is due directly to praying consistently. I know I sin on a regular basis and I’ll never be close to perfect, but progressing to be more like Christ is a huge step for me. Most Christians don’t even realize that they haven’t taken the first step towards being like Him, and I’m finally down that path.

But if you do believe in a form of prayer, please pray for China and Myanmar. These two countries are in desperate situations, and no matter what kind of help America gives (or if it’s right) at all, we should think about how to support the hell that those must be living through. Any form of human suffering should be painful for all of us to endure, and I think we need to recognize that.

But when you do pray, please don’t forget about this country. Earlier this year I wrote about my fascination with school shootings and searching for their origin. This morning a forth grader at Spring Independent School in Houston, Texas threatened another child on a school bus by placing a knife to his throat. I work with nine year olds at the Boys and Girls Club of Springfield, and never have I seen anything to indicate the level of anger that this boy must have been feeling. Violence is strangling our society to the point of suffocation, and this boy was probably influenced strongly by his environment to the point of believing this action was semi-acceptable.

Just pray.

05.09.08

hello vader

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:51 pm by mydollface

05.07.08

senior year blues

Posted in Life, Random Ramblings tagged , , , at 5:21 pm by mydollface

I’m working full-time, going to school full-time, and can’t wait to be out.

Oh, the woes of a senior in high school.

However, I recieved probably the most indulgent assignment from a teacher in the history of high school:.

Memorize a poem of our choice, at least twenty lines, by any author.

I chose one of my favorites, Emily Dickinson, from Book 3: Love.

XLIV:

There is a word

which bears a sword

can pierced an armed man

It hurls its barbed syllables,

at once is mute again.

But where it fell

the saved will tell

on patriotic day,

some epaulleted soldier

gave his breath away.

 

Wherever runs the breathless sun,

wherever roams the day,

there is its noiseless onset,

there is its victory!

Behold the keenest marksman,

the most accomplished shot!

Time’s sublimest target

is a soul “forgot.”