03.31.08
Hawaii//Prom//Senior Angst
I chipped my tooth, got pink in both eyes, and generally had a rough time without James. I went parasailing and swam in the beautiful ocean, woke-up to see almost every ocean sunrise, and even was taken seriously when I was purse-browsing in the upscale Ala Moana mall of Honolulu (Yeah, definitely tried on a Bally $6200 purse). It was a tropical paradise–I had a lot of fun regardless of the obstacles, and tried to maintain as much as a positive attitude as possible. This trip was the only trip I went on in high school that was entirely a gift from my parents, and I tried very hard to make sure that it was a success for them.
James, though, even though he was away from me while I was on the trip, was with me. He sent with me an envelope for every day we were apart with a letter and a chocolate, and I got him a small teddy bear for when he was apart from me. But the biggest surprise was when I was jetlagged, exhausted, and a physical mess, he showed up at the airport and gave me the biggest hug. I still smile when I think about it. 
But in the past week, life has been suffocating me. I’ve been so busy with prom and graduation and trying to keep up with all of my school work that I’ve forgotten what it means to just relax at the end of the day. I’ve been going from 7:00 a.m. to 12:00 a.m. pretty much every night, trying to keep up with the madness, trying to keep from drowning in senioritis, but it’s hard. Last week I missed two College Algebra class periods in a row, and we have a test this Thursday. I’m going to be working very hard to make sure that I don’t fall behind in that class and end the year with a strong B, but it’s difficult. Math isn’t my best subject, and I dare to say what will happen if I don’t really crunch down and learn the material.
I miss last year when everything was easier, and I wasn’t waiting for graduation.
On a lighter note, though, on Saturday I did buy my prom dress. It’s scandalous – hot pink. I can’t even remember the last time I even wore pink to school. But I feel beautiful and…kind of saucy in it. I’m happy with it, and I think we’re going to stop prom dress shopping and let it be. I’ll just be the scandal of the night in pink, I guess. But now it’s time to start shopping for the shoes, hair appointments, makeup appointment, nails…ugh. So much stuff, not enough time.
But I probably should get off the computer–tornados are coming!
03.07.08
another survey
Here’s how it works:
1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don’t sign in)
2. Type in your answer to the question in the “search” box
3. Use only the first page the html and paste for the answer
Where were you born?
What’s your favorite TV Show?
How many hours since your last shower?
Do you have any nicknames?
What’s your ringtone?
Where was your last vacation?
Name something you dislike:
What’s your favorite day of the week?
What’s the weather like right now?
Closest blue object?
Middle name?
Favorite Disney Movie?
Where were you an hour ago?
Greatest fear?
03.04.08
my life as of late
I felt like posting a personal blog. Wait. No. Can you believe it? I think you can, since basically all this wonderful little place in the world is for is to reveal my plans and ramblings. But today, my friends, I feel less shallow than I have in a long time, and my future seems clearer.
Yesterday I bought my first University of Missouri t-shirt. I know it’s ridiculous that I’m placing such a high value on my first t-shirt declaring my home for the next four years, but honestly, I felt like I needed to do it. I’m a planner–I use post-it notes, note cards, highlighters, outlines…and for the past three years, I’ve known that I was going to end up in Columbia in August of this year. But now the reality is upon me: I’m leaving. I’m leaving home, I’m leaving my friends, I’m leaving my church, and I’m leaving behind all of the memories that have kept me company for years.
Today I was told by Dr. Steiger, an assistant principal at Hillcrest, that I had been selected Student of the Month for March. I smiled, took my $25 gift card and my t-shirt, and savored the irony of a moment. When I was in seventh and eighth grade, Dr. Julie Steiger was the conseulor at Pleasant View Middle School. When I was threatened with suspension because of my hateful words against some of my peers, she was the one that I confided in. No one looked at me like I was a person except for her. I was thinking about as she told me that 12 teachers had nominated me that she was the one who told me that my smile was beautiful when I was drenched in black for two years, and that I could beat them all at their own game by just playing along, but with higher stakes and bigger rewards. She made me open my eyes and see my own potential, my own power.
I’m leaving behind all of those friends, those acquaintances, those casual enemies and angry foes, and all the energy I’ve invested in making myself approachable after years of scorning them and isolating myself. Now, I have a clean slate. MU will have 5,300 incoming freshman this summer arrive, and I’ll just be one. No pretenses, no backgrounds, no memories of first grade and the Christmas cookie you dropped on my head, nothing. It’s everyone for themselves, and I have to climb to the top once more.
I think I can handle the challenge.
03.02.08
I ♥ shopping
I love to shop.
And now I’m going to take a nap.
Oh, lazy Sundays are the best.
