12.31.07
525,600 minutes
2007:
I fell in and out of love and back in again, I made friends and lost friends, and explored a world that belonged only to me. I turned 18, I didn’t get a speeding ticket, and I wrapped my arms around a loving God that blessed every day.
But the past 365 days can’t be summed up in a short, sentimental paragraph. This past year has been full of surprises and mysteries, whispers and hopeless glances, and gaining a friend back that I thought I lost forever. It’s been difficult, growing and learning, searching and finding, but I’ve conquered the past 12 months with resounding success. Oh, and I had a lot of fun doing it. But now I believe I’ve stumbled into the moment of truth: a recounting and reliving the highlights and lowlights of my seventeenth full year of life.
The Lows:
- Tragedy at Northside I’ve been attending Northside Christian Church since I was two, and my family has developed some strong relationships with a few families that have been there as long or longer than we have. One of these families is the Owens, a conservative group consisting of six children and two wonderful parents. In July, as I was driving home from the Kansas City airport and recovering from our two week trip to the United Kingdom, my father and I found out that Lonnie, the patriarch, had been in a RV accident with his family, and he died shortly there after, while the rest of his family was in distress. It was an emotional blow to our church, and his two youngest children, Ashton and Autumn, were closest to my age, and when they spoke at their father’s funeral I couldn’t stop my tears. I don’t cry often, but seeing a family that was hurting that much, it effected me deeply.
- An unjustified suspension I’ve wrote before here on my humble blog that my younger brother, Kyle, has low-functioning autism. Twice this year he was suspended due to irresponsible and illogical administrators at his school for ‘violence’ offenses, when his outbursts were due to his frustration with his inability to communicate. He was suspended the first time for five days (later reduced to three), and then the second was ten days (later reduced to four). My family was reduced to rumble and was very disappointed in his teacher’s lack of obvious want to help my brother, and were faced with the unfortunate truth: my brother will not be helped, he will only be babysitted while in high school. It was an awful battle to see on the horizon, but we’ve been fighting it every day as a family.
- Ending a relationship with Alex I spent a little more than year with a boy that I loved very much, but I realized that our differences in priorities, views, and values was too much to overcome. At the end of it all, it hurt so much walking away from something that I knew I couldn’t fix even though I wanted to so badly, but I knew it was the best for both of us. I wish him the best, and I’ve continued to maintain some kind of friendship with him.
All in all, it wasn’t a bad year. The lows were very, very deep, but they passed.
The Highs:
- Exploring the World I fell in love with traveling this past year, and have gone all over. New York, LA, Paris, London, Florence, Venice, Munich, Geneva, Chicago, and I know that I can’t ever see myself doing anything else with the rest of my life. I just got a taste of what it’s like to be in other cultures, and being invisible in a crowd. I’m addicted to the numbing, cold feeling of an airplane seat, and I love the smell of an anonymous life.
- Working in Journalism Yes, I am still in high school, and yes, my little accomplishments aren’t much, but the inspired me enough to know that I want to turn my hobby into a career, into a lifestyle. I want to write and inform others about what I see and what I hear, tell the truth and be a force of publishing power. I know it sounds narcissistic, but aren’t all dreams?
- Falling in love again James is such a wonderful young man, and I know that God placed him in my life for a reason. So far our short little romance has been flawless, no arguments, nothing to complain about anything at all. He compliments my personality effortlessly, he treats me like a princess, and loves me unconditionally. I needed an escape from a busy, stressful life, and that’s what I have in his arms. I’m so happy.
- The Hag Returns Being friends with Kyle has been a roller coaster of emotions, and I’m happy to say that we’re on the positive side of things again. I really did just need to grow up a little bit on my own, understand what was best for me, and then we could re-introduce ourselves in each other’s lives. He’s probably the best friend I’ve ever had, and has been through a lot with me. I’m happy that he’s part of my life again.
I’ve grown a lot in 365 days, and can’t wait to see what 2008 has in store for me. The end of high school, the beginning of college, and becoming a real adult-oh, and seeing a female President in the White House.
12.28.07
dear mr. todd
Sweeney Todd was fantastic.
Not the kind of fantastic you like to talk about every day, but the kind of fantastic that shakes your inner core and makes you want to keep singing songs of death, angst, sadness, and despair. What was so charming about this blood and guts shock fest of a musical was the wit and humor in jokes that were so complicated that I had to whip out some of my English history knowledge to get, or how the scenery added so much to the dark humor found within Johnny Depp’s performance. But it was a totally different level of fantastic as well.
Johnny Depp’s character slits more than a dozen throats in the film, and every single time I saw blood gushing and smothering a razor blade, I laughed. I don’t have any idea if that makes me demented or truly wicked, but I thought Tim Burton’s clever use of angles and a mixture of shots took a horrific image and made it, well, funny. Helen Bonham Carter balanced Depp well, providing a dark contrast to the man she so desperately desired. The singing was poor for a musical, but the acting made up for the lack of vocal ability. I enjoyed every moment of the film, particularly when Mrs. Lovett (Carter) was daydreaming about vacationing on the beach with Todd and Toby, her young employee.
Essentially: Tim Burton’s masterpiece. If you loved Les Miserables or Phantom of the Opera, you’ll adore this film.
12.17.07
my weekend [and part of monday morning]
Weekends are so overrated on Monday mornings.
But anyways, Friday night was a fun time and a half. I went to a ‘concert’ and by concert I mean ’stupid -smoking – baboons – stuck – in – a – two – car – garage,’ but I did get to spend some time with James and his cousin Kenny. The boys did a decent set (with a noticeably absent light scheme, I might add) given the environment, but the pot-smoking, drinking, silly scene kids decided that they weren’t going to take their testimonial seriously at all. My favorite moment of the night was when Grant, the lead guitarist, gave his testimonial in front of these kids and said that the band had free Bibles to offer to whoever wants them. A girl was making fun of them and she was passed a Bible by Garrett, Grant’s younger brother, and she said, “Oh, they were serious!”
Then, Garrett responded with the best quip ever.
“Yeah, they’re serious. Just like how Christ seriously died for you.” It’s not so much the message behind the words or what he meant by saying that, but just the way he said it that was so fantastic. He seemed very uncomfortable in the environment, and I don’t think that he had ever spent any time around people smoking or drinking. I’ve been in some…compromised positions before, I’ve never partaken in the activities. But on Friday night, I was glad I had James next to me, and that I was around a lot of people that I knew would look out for me. We hung out at McDonald’s afterwards, of course, and I spent some silly time with the boys in ASL and their charming girlfriends. They’re such rad people, and it’s so awesome watching them thrive for Christ in an uncomfortable environment.
On Saturday I spent, you guessed it, most of the day with James, just hanging out and forgetting that the world existed outside of his arms. We talked and laughed about the stupidest things, and I gave him the gift of a barking Christmas dog keychain thing that always makes me laugh when I squeeze its tummy. No, it’s not a real dog, but it cracks me up every time I see it. We just had more fun than we should that afternoon, and then…I had to make the drive home. As we were hanging out, it was snowing, sure, no problem. None of it was really sticking, and I didn’t worry about driving home. It was only until about five o’clock that it started snowing very hard, and of course, I had to drive home, all the way down Glenstone. I drove most of the way somewhere between sliding and skidding, but it was controlled, and very slow. I didn’t crash, and I was very excited that I didn’t get hurt at all, but the entire drive home I was singing a little prayer thing and wouldn’t let James get off the phone with me.
Sunday was a good time. I went to Northside’s Christmas musical performance and enjoyed it greatly, tried not to laugh as much as I could, and talked to my cousins for the first time in what seems like forever. I went home and cleaned my bathroom for an hour, then I went back to church and made Christmas cookies for two elderly couples at Northside. It was a lot of fun hanging out with my DMG group life group decorating cookies and talking about girl talk like things. We delivered the cookies to an old couple and to Mrs. Day, my Sunday school teacher when I was four and she actually remembered me! I was so surprised I didn’t know how to react, especially after how she asked me if I was married right after that.
For the record, I’m eighteen.
But moving on from that. My Monday morning was a lot of fun so far, and I haven’t done anything productive besides watch old Buzz-a-Thon tapes and wait for my muffy to arrive here from Panera via some junior girls, but I think I’m done blogging.
Yeah, pretty sure.
12.13.07
I miss my sanity.
Ah, Mizzou.
Everytime I think about that beautiful university and the life that awaits me 190 miles to the north, I smile like a little girl waiting for her birthday presents at her party. I really feel like I’ve made the right decision, and that my future is so bright it’s blinding me.
But, then, Mizzou disappointed me on Tuesday with the strangest email I’ve ever recieved, accompanied by an odd fascination.
Apparently at Mizzou, the admissions program has invested a lot of time, energy, and money into developing its own social networking website called U @ Mizzou. Think…Facebook meets Myspace, but for students who have been accepted at Mizzou and will start as freshmen in 2008.
Until I joined this website, I was under the impression I was one of the lucky few, one of the early birds, one of the few high school seniors who actually was thinking about August of next year in October. But apparently, I was wrong.
U @ Mizzou has over a thousand members who are all part of the freshman class of 2008, and almost all of them have set up their profile completely, had over 100 wall posts, and have at least 25 friends. And here I am, stumbling into it, just now setting up my profile with two friends who are, of course, in the journalism program.
Speaking of which, out of these 1,000 high school seniors, I would say 25% of them are some kind of journalism major. Do people just apply to Mizzou thinking they’ll get into J-School, find out they don’t like it, and then just drop out? I know it’s a large school and a lot of students go to Mizzou for the journalism program, but not that many graduate, I know for sure. But what really surprised me was the fact that, so far, with all of my browsing, searching, and snooping, I’m the only Media Convergence major on U @ Mizzou right now. Pages and pages of Broadcast Journalism majors, Journalism Undecideds, and not a single Media Convergence besides me?
They’ve got to be somewhere.
New mission: find the other Media Convergence majors. Up, up, and away!
Anyways, I’m very stressed, and so is James, but we’ll both be okay. We hung out last night and it was a hoot and a half, and I think we both needed a break from the insanity and to snuggle away the stress. He makes life liveable, especially since all of the problems have been happening with my brother lately. It’s been really, really hard to have faith in God lately, but I know that I just have to let go and let God. Hope’s a really hard thing to have, but at least I have joy when I’m with James.
12.11.07
mmvii
I’m too lazy to actually blog. Enjoy a survey instead!
♥JANUARY♥
1. Who kissed you on new years?
I believe I was alone.
2. Did you have a New Year’s Resolution this year?
Three:
- Lose 20 pounds (accomplished)
- Learn how to whistle (accomplished)
- Learn how to hacky sack (…I have 20 days to go)
3. Does it snow where you live?
Yes, ma’am.
5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
No, but I did visit New York City for the first time ever this year.
♥FEBRUARY♥
1. Who was your Valentine?
Alex.
2. When you were little did you buy Valentine’s for the whole class?
Um, yeah. Pokemon valentines are the best, for sure.
3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
I honestly don’t think it means a darn thing.
4. What did you receive for Valentines Day?
I can’t remember anything.
5. What did you give for Valentine’s Day?
Uh, Alex and I…apparently didn’t do anything. Oh well.
♥MARCH♥
1. Are you Irish?
Scottish, the better Celt.
2.Do you like corned beef and cabbage?
Uhhhh…no. I’m kind of a vegetarian, and that sounds revolting.
3. What did you do for St. Patty’s Day in 2007?
I didn’t do anything. We’re Scottish, we wear red on St. Patty’s Day.
4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
Not really. Winter is my favorite season.
♥APRIL♥
1. Do you like the rain?
Always, always, always!
2. Did you play an April fool’s joke on anyone this year?
No, not at all. But three years ago, I told my parents I was pregnant. Haha!
3. Do you get tons of candy for easter?
Um, no. We don’t really do that in my family, we go to Church, we eat food, we have pie, we remember the sacrifice of Christ.
4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
It’s one of my friend’s birthday. That’s about it. I don’t do the whole…mind altering ‘herbs’ thing.
5. Do you love the month of April?
Not particularly. My favorite months are November and January.
♥MAY♥
1. What is your favorite flower?
White Lilies.
3. Finish the phrase “April showers…”:
Bring May flowers.
4. Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day?
No, sorry?
5. Is May anything special to you?
Not really, besides a lot of birthdays in my family and near the end of the year.
♥JUNE♥
1. What year did/will you graduate from high school?
2008
2. Did you do anything fun during this Month?
Ended the school year, ran away to my room and read far too much, found out I was going to London!
3. Have a favorite baseball team?
Springfield Cardinals
4. Did you go on vacation in June?
I went to the UK (London, Kent, Sussex) in July.
♥JULY♥
1. What did you do on the 4th of July?
Hung out with my family for a while, ate, relaxed. We eat a lot in my family.
2. Did you go to the fireworks?
‘The’ fireworks? Where are ‘the’ fireworks?
3. Did you blast the A/C all day?
Yeah, I hate the heat. I need to go north for the summer, not south for the winter!
♥AUGUST♥
2. What was your favorite summer memory of ‘07?
Sipping on English Breakfast Tea at Kensington Palace in London with my dad.
3. Did you have a sunburn?
Hahaha, have you seen my skin? I stand underneath a lamp too long and I get red.
4. Did you go to the pool a lot?
I haven’t gone swimming since I was ten.
♥SEPTEMBER♥
1. Did you attend school?
Unfortunately. I’m so over high school.
2. Do you like fall better than summer?
Yes, sir! The colder the better.
3. Anything exciting happen this month?
Meh, not really. Just began the year with a bang, became the Editor-in-Chief of the Hillcrest Herald?
♥OCTOBER♥
1. What was your Halloween costume?
Jacolyn the Spooktacular Ripper
2. What is your favorite candy?
Reese’s, duh.
3. What is your favorite thing(s) about this month?
Ending my second season at the Dickerson Park Zoo as the Train Girl. I love that little booth.
♥NOVEMBER♥
1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
Mine.
2. What are you thankful for?
A new love, a new chance, and my education.
3. Do you love stuffing?
It’s decent, honestly.
♥DECEMBER♥
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Yes, yes, underneath our fifteen foot tree.
2. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe?
No, only really, really odd people do that.
3. Get anything special last year?
A Coach purse from my ex boyfriend, Alex.
4. What do you want this year?
Um, another purse? I don’t know. Something meaningful, a lot of books.
5. What do you love most about December?
Snow. <3
*All of the images in this blog were taken in the past year.
12.07.07
OMG NOT THE ICE STORM!
Almost twelve months ago exactly, a little weather coincidence happened in Southwest Missouri. A combination of extremely wet weather, cold temperatures, and lack of planning of our local City Utilities lead to one of the greatest annoyances anyone can remember in the past twenty four months. People from the Springfield area refer to it with soft whispers, grumbles, and general negativity as a short, concise phrase: “The Ice Storm.”
Now, as a Springfieldian native a girl who has only gotten out of this area for two weeks at time, I was stuck in the woes of my community when the storm of the century hit. Power lines down, McDonald’s fast food lines to the street, and families huddled around old fireplaces that went unused for years at a time. It was a humbling experience, and my family was without power for a total of thirteen days. We ended up going down Highway 65 as a family and taking root in my uncle’s basement, only to discover that my aunt had been, ahem, ‘absent’ from the home for about six months.
But, it was a learning experience, really. I re-read the first four Harry Potter books, cuddled up in a blanket with my favorite teddy bear, and was reminded as to why I want to leave home so badly.
Today, though, I’m hearing a buzz that won’t go away: “did you hear about the ice storm?,” “it’s coming Sunday night, did you hear?,” “what’s the weather this afternoon?”
Please, please, please Springfield: relax. If another ice storm comes, whatever. We’ll all stay inside, freeze, and the power will come back on eventually. My Christmas won’t be ruined by it, and by all the promises that City Utilities has been spewing out the last six months about ‘improvements’ and ‘changes,’ it certainly can’t be as bad as last time.
At least, I hope it won’t.
12.06.07
“lured into darkness,” the headline of the year
Pop goes the corniest-headline-ever virginity for the Springfield News-Leader as of yesterday afternoon.
Now, the Springfield News-Leader has never been known for its, shall we say, progress in the journalistic endeavors of America, but at least they could come up with something clever for a story that was the entire front page, plus an insert in the paper, and they had four writers working on it. Maybe that’s just me. Or maybe they’re just stupid.
Anyways, apparently, according to the Springfield News-Leader, a vampire cult has taken root in Springfield as of the last few years. Certain individuals, and by individuals I mean
loser-Central-high-school-students-who-graduated-when-they-were-fifteen, have taken upon themselves to start a ‘vampire cult,’ in which members do typical, angsty teenage things. For example, members cut their wrists and suck them, enjoying a ’sensual quality’ of ’spirituality.’
SHOCKING.
Now, as a teenager in Springfield, Missouri and absolutely fabulous, I find myself between an Ozark and a Joplin. I mean, I’ve read my fair share of Anne Rice novels and I’ve hung out with all the cool kids downtown, and sure, I’ve even played around in the tunnels a bit, you know, ‘hoodlum’ teenage activities, but I have ever, ever been interested in joining some kind of ‘vampire occult activist group.’
Or maybe they just were looking for someone who, you know, wasn’t pale and had black hair and blue eyes, typical vampire qualities.
Now, it may sound ridiculous on a thousand different (18) levels, but I am a bit jealous of this supposed girl who was told that she was the ‘queen of the vampires.’
I want to marry Lestat and fly away into the moonlight, live forever, and never be old!
So not fair.
But, Springfieldian parents, yes, we all have myspaces and no, we’re not all going to be kidnapped and taken to Europe by some man named ‘Aolikan’ from ‘Barcelonia,’ but I will lead the fight against parents telling me I can’t hang out by the Midtown Library because a vampire might come and steal me away.
That’s just silly.
12.05.07
Newsies, carrying the banner through it all!
I’ve never been a very big fan of musicals, honestly. They’re so contrived, so predictable, so obnoxiously corny in such spectacular ways. But every once in a while, a musical wraps its arms around me and makes me want to take up tap dancing and lose forty more pounds.
My girl friend Rachel loaned me this incredible live action Disney masterpiece, and like my use of over-the-top adjectives, the movie did not disappoint. It was so cute, so pure, so innocent, with only one sideways profane word in the entire film.
The most surprising element of the film was Christian Bale’s performance, and made me respect the little actor that could. This 1992 production definitely was the beginning of a career for Christian, and he had a spark in his eye that lead him to such performances as “3:10 to Yuma” and “The Prestige” in recent years.
But, besides discovering a new favorite musical of mine, today was…decent. I’m still a tad perplexed on the situation with James’ parents and the boundaries being set by our new relationship, but I’m as happy as an European Sparrow. He makes me smile more than a young man should.
I’m off to go memorize something for AP Literature, and to continue listening to “Newsies” songs that make me want to dance all the way around my house. Look out now, I’m the Queen of New York!
You should watch a clip of the film. God bless Youtube.
12.02.07
season[of]love
Tonight I’m gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world I’ll turn it inside out – yeah
And floating around in ecstasy
So don’t stop me now don’t stop me
‘Cause I’m having a good time having a good time
["Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen]
166 songs.
In my iTunes library, consisting of 2,378 songs, there are 166 songs that pop up when I search for the word ‘love.’ Songs about love and lost, Justin Timberlake, Donna Summer, Rent Casts, and of course, a bit of Queen, but love songs aren’t really about love, are they?
They’re about the act of falling, falling, falling head first into the unknown, grasping onto something that might hold you, searching for the unknown but loving to hate every second of uncertainty, every sideways glance, every even softer kiss goodnight.
And then, the moment.
“I love you.”
One of the most cheapened, glamorized, commercialized phrases in modern English. Three words, so much power, so much power taken away by our ability to whisper them after a great evening out or to a beloved new pair of shoes.
But for some, but for those lucky few, those words hold the world. They hold the future, the hopes and dreams, the wishing and desperate searches in deep stares and elongated hugs, looking for a sign of reciprocated feeling, a moment of clarity in the darkness before the words are said. “I love you” isn’t just a phrase, it’s a beautiful moment shared between two people on the verge of ecstasy.
Tonight, God blessed me with a moment I’ll never forget. Scared out of my mind and totally intoxicated by the strength and passion in his kisses, I told James that I loved him.
And you know what? I meant it. Genuinely, completely, and honestly, I told him how I my heart was about to burst with happiness, that I was feeling complete with him, that he made me happier than anyone else ever had, all with three short, one syllable words.
God’s blessed me with every moment that I’ve had with him, and I’m so happy to be the girl in his arms.
